Like many couples, we didn’t give much thought on our wedding day to the hard times to come. We weren’t naive enough to think that everything would be sunshine and roses, but we were completely unprepared for the reality of how much work went into a successful marriage.
Whatever was to come, we were confident the two of us could handle it on our own.
We had no idea how difficult real life could be. After five children and seven moves, our marriage wasn’t terrible, but it wasn’t thriving. We both knew Jesus as our Savior, but we were struggling to keep Him at the helm in either our personal lives or our relationship together.
Because of the busyness of our lives and the frequent moves, most of our friendships were relationships of convenience. We each had our own friends, whether work acquaintances or mothers of similarly aged children, but very few couples that we were both close with together. Consequently, when times got tough, we had no one to lean on but ourselves.
The isolation took a toll both on our relationship and on our spiritual growth. We were stagnant, marking time, and, if we are being honest, not really friends anymore.
After moving to Virginia, we made a conscious choice to find a church and get plugged in quickly. One of the environments we chose was MarriageWorks. What a great group of believers we found there! The connections we developed were real, not superficial. And each couple we met were joint friends, to both of us! This represented a true first in our lives.
As these new friends invited us to “lean in,” we saw the continuing work Jesus had done and was continuing to do in their lives, which was an enormous encouragement to us. The transparency we have found has been transformational. God has used these people, this ministry, to heal hurts, find freedom from unforgiveness, and open up our own hearts and lives to be an encouragement to others.
We’ve learned to reach out when we need help. A few weeks ago, we found ourselves struggling with issues from the far past that had resurfaced one morning. We were irritable and beginning to argue with one another, when we realized that we needed prayer. We sent a quick text to one couple, who agreed to pray for us and (with our permission) pulled in another couple to pray, as well.
Not only did we feel immediate support, we were able to then pray together, relax, and watch God work. He answered the prayers of His people that day, and we came away just a little bit stronger; in our faith, in our friendships, and as a couple.
It took us nearly 20 years together to learn that life was not meant to be done alone. We need friends, real friends, to pick us up when we fall. We need them to point us back to Jesus when we lose our way. That will never happen with surface relationships, or if we continue to tell ourselves that we can get through this on our own.
We pray today that God will put true friends in your path and that you will be intentional about cultivating those relationships as you grow closer to Him.