Some days, I just cannot make my children happy.
My 10-year-old son wants to play an online game that would allow him to “chat” with strangers. My 8-year-old daughter doesn’t want to practice the piano. Nobody wants to do math homework.
A mama can grow weary.
It’s so much easier to make my children smile. To surprise and delight them with a treat, a toy, a surprise. It’s so much more fun to say “yes.”
But God revealed truth to me through an Ann Voskamp blog recently that has been resonating throughout my parenting experience. I share what God’s doing in me in hopes it might also provide all you weary parents some solace.
Lately, when my son asks for the umpteenth time for something I must refuse, I say words to him that go something like this:
“I would enjoy nothing more than to tell you ‘yes’ — to make 10-year-old you happy. I love 10-year-old you with my whole heart.
“But here’s the thing: I love the man you’re going to be even more. He’s the one God sent me here to shepherd. He’s the godly man I look forward to knowing someday. And if I just give in now, just say ‘yes’ to something that’s probably going to do you harm, then that someday version of you has to live with that harm. He’s the one who can’t erase that thing in his mind he stumbled upon on the Internet.”
“He’s the one I’ve got to think about right now. I’m rooting for him. I think you are too.”
That’s it. That’s my revelation. But it’s made such a difference in my perspective.
And let me be clear that I don't get this right all the time. I'm a work in progress too!
But I do truly believe God gave me a son to be my brother in Christ and a daughter to be my sister in Christ. That’s more important than his beautiful 10-year-old puppy-dog eyes. Or her 8-year-old tears. It really is.
I would surely like to make my children smile every day, all the time. But sometimes I have to say “no.” And endure their frustration, in love. Because I love the man and woman of God they will be.
Let’s encourage one another. If God has been teaching you something about how to disciple your child, please share it! You can email me at ddunn@blue-ridge.org.