The son of a restaurant owner and a mother who served in World War II as a nurse, I learned early about perfectionism, alcoholism and codependency. My codependency and the feeling that I needed to fill in the deficits in others started at a very young age — when my mother died when I was just 8.
When I was 9 years old I went to Treasure Island for camp. The cook didn’t show up and I grilled 200 hamburgers. Jerry Falwell thanked me for my service and asked me if I knew Jesus as my personal savior. That day I asked Jesus into my heart and started my Christian faith.
My dad soon remarried a widow with five children. Though the children got along, our parents struggled with disciplining each other’s children, which made for a difficult environment. Everyone who was old enough to drink in the house did so aggressively and the ones too young were able to do so in secret.
I followed my Mom's perfectionist ways and imposed them on others and myself. I became disappointed when we could not live up to these unrealistic standards. My binge drinking did a good job masking my feelings. I always had a problem with anger too and if I got hurt or disappointed, I would lash out.
When I met my wife, now 35 years ago, I was sort of happy she did not drink more than one drink. But it was not long until I dropped by to have a drink with the guys and my binge drinking continued, creating problems in our new marriage.
My binge drinking lessened, but did not stop until I saw my 18-month-old son playing in the sand at the beach one Sunday morning. By 10 am that Sunday morning, four of us had drank a quart of José Cuervo, maybe more. I believe the Holy Spirit prompted me. I did not want my son to see me drink like I saw my parents drink. At that moment, I chose to quit and not raise my son up that way!
But 18 years after quitting drinking my anger issues continued.
We started coming to Blue Ridge in November of 2010, and soon heard about Celebrate Recovery.
Through Celebrate Recovery and the Men’s Step Study, I began to accept my role in the unrealistic expectations that I had of others. I have been able to accept Grace and enjoy my growth through practicing Philippians 4:13, “I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.”