Friday - Me

³¹ Then Jesus said to them, “Tonight all of you will fall away because of me, for it is written: I will strike the shepherd, and the sheep of the flock will be scattered. ³² But after I have risen, I will go ahead of you to Galilee.” ³³ Peter told him, “Even if everyone falls away because of you, I will never fall away.” ³⁴ “Truly I tell you,” Jesus said to him, “tonight, before the rooster crows, you will deny me three times.” ³⁵ “Even if I have to die with you,” Peter told him, “I will never deny you,” and all the disciples said the same thing.
Matthew 26:31–35 (CSB)

Reading these passages as Christ followers, we are often very quick to react. “How could you?” we might ask. Or maybe, “If I had been among his inner circle, I would have *never* done such a thing!”

These are deep gut reactions but if we zoom in even closer and inspect our own hearts, do we really know if these comments are true? We are just as broken as the rest of the world and though we have given our lives to Jesus, our brokenness can hold a steady grip on our hearts. It may be more than just struggles with a particular sin or straying from God.

For Judas, it was silver. For Peter, it was the preservation of his own life. For the crowds who shouted “Crucify him!” it was fear and the desire to not stand out from the crowd.

What is it for you when you feel yourself turning away from God? Many of us can identify the answer right away but will push it down or ignore it. We are aware of our brokenness but often try to minimize it. We hide it from the world, from our communities, from our family and friends…and we even try to hide it from God. There is a *longing* within us to have our sins and our brokenness “fixed” but we find ourselves *lamenting* that we must confess these things to find healing. And that’s a very hard thing to do. It seems so much easier (and less painful) just to ignore it and wear a practiced smile.

We are afraid to face our brokenness. And we see in the examples above what fear caused some others to do. When we look at this and our individual lives as a whole, it seems likely that we would have been among the crowd shouting “Crucify him!”—or, had we not been there, we would have been right beside Peter, denying the Lord to save ourselves discomfort and pain.

They all fell away at the first Easter. We see the lament in Judas after his betrayal. Peter after his denial “went outside and wept bitterly.” Paul laments over those places in his heart while longing for rescue writing in Romans 7, “¹⁵ For I do not understand what I am doing, because I do not practice what I want to do, but I do what I hate…¹⁸ For I know that nothing good lives in me, that is, in my flesh. For the desire to do what is good is with me, but there is no ability to do it. ¹⁹ For I do not do the good that I want to do, but I practice the evil that I do not want to do.” Facing our own brokenness may feel hard, but it’s necessary.

Reflection Questions:
Where do you find brokenness in your own heart? When is the last time you said or did that thing you couldn’t take back or said you’d never do?

Prayer:
Take a moment and talk to God about these things. As you pray, consider Psalm 6:1-4.